Today, July 31st, my parents have been married for 25 years. I’ll be 24 next month, so they’ve been together my whole life. From the outside looking in, I’ve had a picture perfect example of black unconditional love. However, no love story is perfect. Their anniversary made me reflect on my life and love life.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for six and a half years and I’m pretty sure he’s what we call “the one.” We’re high school sweethearts and I always love to tell the story of how much of a crush he had on me when we first met. Secretly I thought he was the cutest weirdo — and it turned out to be something much more than worth it. So obviously being together all of my adult life so far, there’s been a lot of things we’ve learned together. I’m not here to tell our relationship story but I’m here to share the things I think we should all understand when you’re living and loving with someone else that loves you back. Here are my six and a half things I’ve learned that helped us grow.
1. Love Is Going To Hurt
This isn’t to say you’ll be heartbroken or sad everyday. But there will be times when you don’t see eye to eye and passion may get the best of you and your relationship. God bless the couple who has never argued. But since my love and relationship isn’t perfect, things can get weary and it won’t feel great. I’ve had arguments where I’ve felt sad at the fact that we aren’t seeing the same page — and that hurts. It hurts to have someone you love not be on your side at the particular moment but it doesn’t mean it’s permanent.
2. Your Lover Will Be Your Best Friend
Anyone who knows my boyfriend and I, knows that we are two peas in a pod. We watch shows together, we tell each other jokes, we laugh all day and we just relax and enjoy each other’s company. I think that’s what makes this love thing so easy now, we have great times just being best friends.
3. You Can Create Your Own Definition Of Love
Just because you see other people’s relationships online, that doesn’t mean you should compare yours to that. I do a lot things in my relationship that are non-traditional but I’m happy and in love. No one’s relationship is like mine and it did take some time for me to mature and realize that.
4. Intimacy Is Very Important
Not just sex…But making connections and having important conversations are a form on intimacy I enjoy. Praying, holding hands, talking the future, sharing feelings, all levels of intimacy that will grow a relationship for the better. I’ve learned that these levels of connecting are what keep us strong in addition to physical love.
5. Being In Love Is a Full Time Job
You can’t pick and choose when you want to love someone. It’s a constant, all day thing that should have effort from both parties. Even when you’re not together physically, everything you do has an effect on the other person.
6. Being Comfortable Is Important
When you first get into a relationship, you’re self conscious about how you look, talk, walk, sit, eat. Lol. You want everything to be perfect. But once you get more comfortable, those things come natural. He appreciates you with and without makeup and you see each other in a different life because love is comfort. It’s important to get comfortable and enjoy the true version of each other.
1/2. Don’t Rush Into Marriage
Although I’m excited to spend my future with my boyfriend, I’m also young and want us both to be ready mentally, spiritually, and financially. I’d of course say yes when he asks me to be his wife, but life is great right now. This is a “half’ of a thing that I learned because sometimes I still get eager to just do it, but I know when the perfect time comes, we’ll be ready together. <3